


Boys and Boobs and Girls and Guitars

by mcgarrygirl78



Series: Thicker than Water [20]
Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, Friendship, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-11
Updated: 2014-10-11
Packaged: 2018-02-20 14:26:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2432099
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgarrygirl78/pseuds/mcgarrygirl78
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I asked Jason if you fell and bumped your head but he said no.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Boys and Boobs and Girls and Guitars

**Author's Note:**

> This story is told in the **Thicker than Water** universe where most of the BAU are kids and teens. Erin is an adult and JJ is 12 years old. This is an expansion on [](http://took-skye.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://took-skye.livejournal.com/)**took_skye** ’s comment fic request of **‘Strauss and at least one of the kids—awkward question’**.

“Do guys only like girls with big tits?"

"Jennifer!" Erin exclaimed, trying to save the iced tea that was about to come out of her mouth. "Such language from a young lady is inappropriate." She grabbed a napkin.

"How many different ways can you ask that question?" The 12 year old asked.

"What would you like to know?"

"Do girls with big boobs get more guys than flat-chested girls? I mean, all guys are dumb but I need to know."

"No, they don’t." Erin replied. "Just like everything else guys are different. Some like blondes, some like fuller figured girls, some like big boobs...as you call them."

“Well actually I called them tits but it offended your sensibilities.” She couldn’t get it out without smiling.

“Jennifer…”

"What? I just figured if we have to spend this quality time together, I may as well get some good questions in." JJ bit her cheeseburger.

"Well no one put a gun to your head about spending time together."

"Actually..."

"Are you serious?” Erin asked. “That was not my intent."

"Yeah, I know...I'm just busting your chops." She laughed some. "It was actually nice of you to suggest spending special time with me and Spencer after taking Penelope out for a nice day. I asked Jason if you fell and bumped your head but he said no."

"So what's this about a boy?" Erin asked, smirking.

"It's Will. He's been eyeballing Cherish Hanson. She's almost 14 and has boobs already. I mean what the hell? Is it the cow’s milk or pesticides in the fruit or something? She doesn’t mind showing them off either. I can’t compete with that. I'm cooler by like a million miles but once the hills are alive, I'm in the dust."

"The hills...what?"

"I'm shaped like a 10 year old boy.” JJ went on, running her hands down her sides. “I'm gonna lose Will to that Barbie doll. He’s not that awesome, I'm just used to having him around is all."

"Well if you don’t think he's all that awesome, shouldn’t you give another girl a chance to think he is?" Erin asked.

"No, not really. But I could beat Cherish up...she wont be so flirty with a black eye."

"Jennifer, I see we need to have another conversation about subtlety. Are you ready?"

"Is it gonna keep Will from staring at that girl?" JJ asked.

"Yes." Erin nodded.

"Then I'm all ears."

“You have to be a better you. You aren’t beautiful just because those around you are ugly. You definitely aren’t beautiful if you make them that way. OK, Cherish is busty. What other qualities does she have?”

“She doesn't have any qualities.” JJ dismissed the question as she stuffed her cheeks with French fries like a squirrel. “She's the leader of those airhead girls…they’re cheerleaders. They wear short skirts and some of them stuff their bras. I can't compete with stuffed bras.”

“You don’t have to. Will already likes you and you're awesome.”

“You think I'm awesome?” JJ asked. “Wait, did you just use the word awesome correctly in a sentence?”

“Do you really care what I think?” Erin asked, ignoring the second question.

“Sure I do; and you started this.”

“Jennifer, you're smart and you're bold. What you must have been through in your young life could crush some adults but you keep going. You have a wicked sense of humor and a sure sense of self, as much as a twelve year old can have these things. You can be difficult but so can I so…”

“Is this the weird part where we realize we have more in common than not?” JJ asked. “Is the sappy music gonna play and then we hug?”

“Are you always a smartass?” Erin countered with another question.

“That’s what I hear.”

She smirked. Erin was still trying to figure these kids out. Dave was getting quite close to them and thought it was a good idea that she try a little more. It wasn’t easy; there were many personalities to keep track of. Erin never backed down from a challenge so she went in prepared for almost anything. JJ could really bring the “almost”.

“There's a Sadie Hawkins dance coming up at school.” JJ said. “I just wanna know if the rest of my life will be nothing but dances.”

“They are a big part of the school experience. When you grow up, the dance becomes a little bit different.”

“For Sadie Hawkins, the girls ask the boys. What if Cherish asks Will?”

“You can just ask him first.” Erin replied.

“Problem! It’s an eighth grade dance so I'm not invited. I thought about crashing it but I'm already on the Vice Principal’s Most Wanted list. If he says yes to her, I’ll kill him.”

“If he says yes to her then he's not worth your time. Of course, it’s hard for a boy to know where he stands when you constantly tell him he’s not that awesome.”

“Its not constantly.” JJ replied, sighing. “Can we change the subject? I don't want my whole life to become this boy junk and this dance junk. I have better things to do. I'm gonna learn how to play the guitar. I'm getting really good with soccer and my English teacher liked the story I showed him. Penelope and I are trying to convince Jason to get us a cat. Dances and stuff are dumb…my other stuff is more interesting.”

“What kind of music would you play on the guitar?” Erin asked. She was finishing up her mediocre grilled chicken salad. It was obvious that JJ wanted to inhale her burger and fries but showed some restraint. Still, her plate was almost empty.

“I thought about going the Stevie Nicks or Joni Mitchell route but that’s not my thing.” JJ shook her head. “I wanna be like a female Dimebag Darrell. I wanna be a rock goddess.”

“Who?”

“Dimebag Darrell…haven’t you heard of Pantera?”

“I can't say that I have.” Erin shook her head. “What's a Pantera?”

“Nevermind. I just want a guitar; the louder the better. I've even got $50 saved up. At this rate I’ll have enough money to get one for my 112th birthday.”

“It'll come faster than that. $50 is a lot for a twelve year old.”

“Well PG gave me the first $10 to start. Then I just started saving coins and parts of my allowance…its taking forever. But Jason told me when I get half, he’ll give me half of the other half.”

“Which guitar do you want?” Erin asked.

“Ooh, do you think we can go to Global Guitar today? Its right over by American University…I wanna look at my baby.”

“Your baby?”

“Mmm hmm; I'm gonna name her Chaka cuz that’s kinda exotic. Guitars can only be female. She’s a Jackson DK2 Dinky, crimson burn, and so awesome. But since she’s $1200, I will be buying her much cheaper cousin; much, much cheaper. I'm gonna see what I can get with $200.”

“If you save the $100 and Jason gives you $50, I’ll give the other $50.” Erin said.

“No shit? Oops.” JJ covered her mouth. “Why would you do that?”

“Well because if you truly want to be a rock goddess, you're gonna need a guitar.” Erin said.

“And this isn’t some attempt to buy my affection?” JJ asked.

“If I wanted to buy your affection, Jennifer, I’d get you Chaka.”

“Hmm,” JJ nodded a little. “True. Well that’s cool of you, for reals. When I become a rock goddess and my band takes off, I’ll drop you a shout out in the liner notes. Cross my heart.”

“I appreciate it.” Erin flagged the server for the check. “Dave told me once that you wanted to be in the FBI. Have you changed your mind?”

“Nope, but I've got plenty of years to do it all. Joan Jett was only 16 when she was in The Runaways. So I figure rock goddess, college, Olympic soccer phenom, the first half of the memoir, then the BAU. It’s a working plan.”

“If anyone can do it all, I think its you.” Erin pulled her wallet from her pocketbook when the check came.

“Don’t make me like you too much.” she replied.

“I promise I won't.”

“Pinky swear.” JJ held out her pinky.

Erin grinned, linking hers with JJ’s. This kid was really something else. Now she had three personalities down and four to go.

***

  



End file.
